The Volta Way: June 2020
Dear Lois,
How are you doing?
Like so many, my small business has been closed since mid-March and I am finding myself contemplating how my identity had become so woven into my work. When my business partner and I first decided to close, we burst into a creative frenzy. It felt good to work so hard building an online platform and preparing ourselves for the massive change ahead.
It felt good until we were flooded with financial concerns, overwhelmed with managing accounts, and we had to accept that the development of COVID-19 could impact our business for years to come. I find myself in a place where I am mourning the loss of my blood, sweat and tears. And now, I am confined to the very place that my work is focused on: the home.
Although I like being at home, and I am happy that everything has slowed down, I find myself going through the many stages of COVID-coping. Now, more than ever, I am observing how I live; It’s almost like I am watching myself move through space. I monitor everything everyone touches. I sanitize everything that comes into the house—I am determined for my home to be classified as a safe space.
At first, this process was excruciating, but now I have accepted it. I still don’t like it, but I am at peace with the process. I have embraced the “new normal” of washing and sanitizing everything; I am determined to keep it up. We can hope that things go back to the way they used to be, but the chances are, that even if the country fully opens back up, we are still looking at an indefinite amount of time where we have to be vigilant about stopping the spread of the virus.
There was a certain point where I felt too tired to be scared. In a way, I had to surrender to what was happening, accept that life is now different, and learn how to cope in a sustainable way. The house being under control has been a lifeline for me. I have been enforcing many of our new house rules that, as a family, we decided were essential for keeping on top of the house. The most important rule being no complaining about having to do chores. It’s working, but it’s also exhausting. I get tired of being the taskmaster and enforcer, so I am learning how to delegate and walk away. I ultimately find this empowering.
Gender equality hasn’t been as big an issue for us; my husband is becoming increasingly understanding as we navigate where we fit in. I think all couples should take this time to talk about roles in the home and take these conversations seriously. Home is better when we are all getting along, obviously. Sometimes, “getting along” is the hardest thing we’ve ever done.
Listening to my husband’s exasperation, when I am already feeling overwhelmed is really challenging, and he feels the same about me. Sometimes I think, “If we can’t be there for each other now, what is the point?” Although, I am finding that when we listen deeply and respect each other’s point of view, without judgment and without taking anything personally, we show up in a deeper, new way. It seems simple enough, but that is hard for us. It’s difficult for me to hear how I have been hurtful without being defensive. It’s a gift to one another to forgive, and choose to turn away from hurtful behaviors. We do this for each other, and it’s not easy.
Through all of the COVID-coping, we are learning how to fall in love again and again with new skills that are being born out of this pandemic. We are addressing fears, disappointments and loss. We are also dreaming in ways that are calling us to action: the kind of action that makes me want to change, grow and evolve. I am ready to leave whatever pre-COVID drama in the past. Our world will never be the same; our home will never be the same as well. The way our home is changing is for the better, and I will find ways to be thankful amidst dark times.
When it comes to sharing the load of the house, the kids and the garden, we have an opportunity to be there for each other without words. We can work out our differences with acts of service to each other and kind words. I feel certain that what we are learning during this time will make us stronger. This keeps my heart filled with hope, and resentment melts away.
Now that we’re settled in, and not going anywhere for awhile, we might as well do the work. Dig in, plant a new seed and do the maintenance.
We reap what we sow. #GrowWithGrid
