Taking a backseat in our own lives and homes is a choice. Cutting and running leaves a multitude of problems and ultimately asks someone else to clean up the mess. It is nice to have a fresh start, but habits come along for the ride—and sometimes bad habits are magnified with the stress of change and/or moving from one home to the next. When the home gets to the point where it is so overwhelming, it seems easier to pack up and move on than to look at the mess we got ourselves into. Ultimately, we have to sift through the clutter either way. The best thing we can do is take back control.
I’ve worked with countless clients who felt that they couldn’t do anything but live a life where they felt trapped, depressed and hated their cluttered surroundings. When the foundations of our human experience are clouded by dread and resentment, we become easily distracted from the bigger picture. Having a pity party about the fact that life takes effort will keep us from participating in the work that has to be done—not only right in front of us, but also on a broader scale.
I look at political dysfunction, imminent wars, the fires in Australia and the state of climate change and I feel powerless. But if I truly believe that I can’t do anything to solve the world’s problems and that all change must come from the top, then I become part of the problem. So it goes for the home, relationships and just about any complicated issue.
The serenity prayer is helpful and
important to reflect on: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Often we focus on things we can’t change; we should be looking at the impact we can make right in front of us, right now. There is always a path that can take us to higher ground, or simply, get us out of the hole we are in. Humility, determination, bravery and hope are needed to face our perceptions of our limitations.
When it comes to clutter and projects left undone, there is so much to unpack. In every paper pile, junk drawer and dumping area, we find our own procrastination, denial and apathy.
Confronting such traits in ourselves is unbelievably difficult. It reveals the gap between our ideologies, desires and the actual work involved in making them a reality. Maybe your life or your identity is revealing itself to be different than you thought it was. This is part of our human experience. A great place to deconstruct this subset of ego is within the mundane. Through the mundane, we find the sublime, which is available to us at any moment.
I’m not attempting to sugarcoat the idea that cleaning and organizing should elicit excitement; I am opening a dialogue about what our behaviors teach us about ourselves. When we start the process of deconstruction, reworking what is broken and piled-up, we feel good. Overwhelmed, yes, but ultimately, we feel proud of ourselves after we’ve taken matters into our own hands.
Step back and look at the problem. How big of a problem is it? What mountain are you attempting to climb? Many times, we want shortcuts to remedy the symptoms of clutter because the real issues are too hard to face, namely, how the mess and clutter happened in the first place. When we acknowledge that we can be messy and apathetic toward major issues, we can then take the first steps on a path of clarity, healthy decision-making and control over our story and reality. Rather than shuffling items and issues from one place to another, we begin the real work.
When we feel stuck and unmotivated and blame external pressures for our troubles, we lose sight of the changes we can make for ourselves. Rip everything apart so you can rebuild it. Take action. Organize the room you’ve been throwing all of your junk into, the places that drive you crazy and the areas you need to focus on. Don’t wait around for other people to make your life easier or better.
Here is a hard truth: You can’t get people to care, they have to care for themselves. This applies to you as well. Stop waiting for someone to be your muse or fix your problems. Care enough about yourself to do something about the problem. It is called self-respect.
When we release blame, guilt and remorse, we will find that awareness, understanding, forgiveness and egalitarianism are now on the table for examination. These bold actions are easily found throughout daily domestic life. This gift reveals itself when we agree to rummage through life’s mélange of untidy lessons. In other words, we should embrace our inner punk, defy our ego and conquer the junk-pile curated by materialism and capitalism. We are not our stuff; our identities lie in one another as people, culture and active participants in a cosmic experience. Be free from anger and dread.
We can take one step at a time; we don’t have to go out on a leap of faith. We never arrive at point B if we don’t acknowledge that point A is a place to be restored and made well.
We can take pride in our actions, foster good habits and develop the strength to make our homes (and truly so much more) better. We can inspire, we can motivate and, with time, we can teach others how to establish their own paths for the betterment of all life. We are not the center of the universe, we are in this together. For now, one step at a time, keep your eye on the big picture.
